In ten days we will be married 41 years. What a process. When I see young couples with firm bodies and tons of energy and full of promise I remember us. I realize to many we are just an older couple but I would like to lay down a few observations. As we become older and more invisible to others (especially the young) we are coming into a newness in our relationship. We have become like two older warriors defying the odds. We are companions in all the ups and downs of life. Life has handed us shocks and losses and we have stood. We have been through tough stages in our marriage. Periods of distance , driven by our own needs to be fulfilled rather than being selfless for the common good. We have had high times of amazing accomplishment, travel and experiences together. We have suffered losses where I wondered if I would ever get over the numb, defeated feeling inside. We have gone through periods of bickering too much because each wanted so bad to be heard. We shared the birth and raising of both kids with its joy unspeakable. We are still together both emotionally, spiritually and physically and I am so grateful. He strengthens me in every way. He cares for me and shows it by looking after all we have worked so hard to build. Nobody I know works as hard as he does. I know he is not perfect. Neither am I but I can count on him to look after, tend and care about all that is us. This gives me a lot of security knowing whatever comes, we will face it together.
What I have learned in 41 years is that relationships take a lot of thinking about your own motives. You have to deal with how self centered and self absorbed you are. Have I ever wanted to run? Yes. Has he? Yes I am sure. But we both stayed and now something inside us has slowly changed. We keep growing closer together. We are better,
stronger, more effective operating as two joined together as one. The sum is greater than the parts. Each of us is stronger individually because we are together. We make each other a better person. He's outside now cleaning gutters in the cold and damp. His walk is slower now. He's a little dinged up and slightly bent over. We both are. He has taken to wearing very unusual outfits to work in the yard. Like rubber boots and shorts with no shirt. He looks the part of a quirky old guy in those outfits. But he's my quirky old guy and I love him still.
